


For eternity

by CalsBeanieProtection



Series: Justice and Love [1]
Category: Ballum, EastEnders
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalsBeanieProtection/pseuds/CalsBeanieProtection
Summary: AU of the funeral of Ben Mitchell
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship, Ben x Callum - Relationship, Ben x Jay, ben x Lexi, phil x Ben
Series: Justice and Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786099
Comments: 10
Kudos: 48





	For eternity

**Author's Note:**

> This is an au and is in no way part of the current plot lines. There are some changes to the storyline, however there are also similarities.

Dark clouds loomed over Albert Square, rain threatening to break through at any given moment and start an onslaught. The weather has seemed dreary for the past few months, almost as if the Square was on a wavelength with it. It matched the moods of many residents who occupied the houses and businesses, all coming together to grieve the loss of one of their own. 

Granted, Ben Mitchell wasn’t everybody’s cuppa tea - in fact he was hardly anybody’s, but everyone mourned him the same. He was Phil Mitchells son, and his fight for his dads love and approval sent him to his death. 

People who knew Ben knew he wasn’t anything like his father, he didn’t want to be labelled as the gangster, let alone the ‘deaf, gay son’ that some did. 

The job was risky, Ben knew this, Phil knew this, but it didn’t stop them going. Nothing prepared Phil for the shock of watching Danny Hardcastle murder his son in front of him. Punishment for messing the job hed said. 

Across the square, Callum sat in his room, his fingers tracing over the photo of him and Ben, back to happier times where they’d had no worries and it was only ever love. The tears slipped down naturally, becoming part of his normal routine. Day in, day out. Eat, sleep and cry. That’s all he knew. He didn’t know how to grieve his boyfriend, he wasn’t prepared. He was only twenty four. His whole life ahead of him and now he was gone and his daughter had to grow up without her father. 

Today was his funeral, he died two months ago, but his body wasn’t released until last week and Callum couldn’t bare to visit the funeral parlour until today. He was dressed in his best suit, the one Ben commented on merely a few months ago. It was black, his normal attire from when he worked with Jay, but the red tie that adorned his neck was there for Ben. He wore it the day of his police assessment, passing first time with his boyfriends encouragement. 

He stands slowly, placing the frame back onto the bedside table before wiping at his eyes and heading out. Stuart greets him in the kitchen, sympathy etched across his face. 

“You alright bruv?” He asks, fidgeting slightly with the buttons on his suit. 

Callum doesn’t respond, but instead offers him a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and heads downstairs. 

“Callum,” Jay says as he spots him coming through. His own eyes red and puffy from the crying. He’d lost his brother, and closest mate. 

Callum nods slightly, the only acknowledgement he’s willing to give at the moment before he heads into the chapel of rest. 

“How long?” Callum asks, his voice small like a child. 

Jay looks at him confused. 

“How long do I have with him?”

Realisation and sorrow flit across Jays face as at the question.

“Take all the time you need mate,” he replies, clasping his hand to Callum’s shoulder. 

Callum nods before opening the door with a shaky hand, and walks inside, closing the door behind him. His eyes rest on the mahogany coffin, sitting centre stage in the middle of the room and he lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Taking a step forward, his fingers reach out to touch the wood, the coldness of it sending shivers through his spine. 

“Oh Ben,” he whispers to no one, before his eyes well, his vision blurring. “Baby...” his sobs come through in heart wrenching sounds, his body shaking with each one. He’s unable to hold back anymore, two months of grief and emptiness surfacing. 

“I can’t believe you’re gone, I prayed so hard it wasn’t you. I miss you so much and I’m so lost without you Ben. Why did you take that job? Why did you have to leave me? Why Ben? WHY?” Callum slams his fist into the wall. He half expects Jay to come through, but he doesn’t. Jay knows he needs this time. 

Sliding down the wall with his head resting in his hands Callum allows himself to cry. His cries echoing loudly off the wall and throughout the whole parlour, Lola, Jay, Stuart and Rainie fighting back tears as they listen helplessly to their best friend and brother break down. 

Callum sits for the longest time on the floor, staring at the box that contains the only man he’s ever allowed his heart to love, before Jay comes in and tells him it’s time. Lola helps him from the floor, holding his hand tightly and never letting go and she leads him away and out the door. He squints in the daylight, and glances round at the square. Everyone is out, their best attire donned and faces of sorrow widespread amongst them. 

“Halfway.” He hears the nickname he’d adopted since a child and turns his head slightly to look at Mick, who pulls him tightly to his chest, his own tears silently falling for the broken boy in his arms. 

Across the square Phil stands with Sharon, baby Kayden being rocked gently in her arms and Callum’s eyes harden when him and Phil connect their stares. Phil hasn’t shown much grief for his son, something which has astounded many people within the small area, others not so much. They knew how little Phil thought of Ben. He never accepted his son coming out, and his hatred only heightened when Ben lost his hearing. 

“We can do this, Callum, Daddy wouldn’t want us to be sad,” Lexi says appearing beside Callum. He looks down at her, his heart splitting when he realises just how much she looks like her father. Leaning down he places a kiss atop her head, before scooping her up into his arms and placing her onto his hip, allowing her to rest her head against his shoulder. With Lola on his right, and Kathy on his left he starts to follow behind the hearse, Jay leading the progression with tears sliding down his face. 

They make it to the church in silence, no one knowing what words could be whispered in the cold, crisp air. Lexi leads the way, promising to save the best seat for Callum as he carries Ben’s coffin down the long path. It feels like a lifetime he’s carrying it, the weight heavy on his shoulders, though he doesn’t feel it. His mind is occupied. Billy, Jay, And Ian help him, remaining silent. 

Taking his seat beside Lexi, who grabs his hand, Callum listens intently as the priest begins the service. He smiles every so often as people reminisce on the qualities of Ben’s life, sharing in his journey throughout his time on this earth. His struggles as a child when he lost his mum and ended up with Phil, only to find out years later she faked her death. Kathy remains passive as the information is read, guilt evident on her face. 

Everyone listens quietly, laughing at the odd comments about Bens boisterous ways and his sarky comments. 

Before long Jay is taking the stand where the minister stood. 

“You’d think id know how to do these things wouldn’t ya? I mean being the old funeral director an all, but the truth is nothing prepares you for loosing your brother. You were one of a kind Ben. I’m gonna miss us sneaking off work for a pint all the time, our battles in the living room pretending to be Jedis, and you trying your hardest to teach me dance moves that nearly snapped me in half,” the room laughs at Jays joke and before long he’s stepping down, and Phil is beside him. 

Callum feels the anger rising in his throat, desperate for the words he’s been holding back to escape and for him to give Phil a piece of his mind. Lolas hand resting on his arm provides the comfort he needs as he listens to the lies Phil spills. Nobody in the room knows Phil was involved, apart from him, Lola, Jay and Jack, and for the sake of Lexi, they all agreed to keep it that way. It didn’t stop the hatred that seeped through them all. 

Phil speaks, with an encouraging nod from his wife.

“I never thought I’d be burying another son. After Dennis I wanted to be better. A better dad, and a better man and I failed. I failed Ben so much. He was so important to me. He was my boy and I’m sorry.” 

Callum rolls his eyes at the shortness of Phil’s speech, and his crocodile tears which miraculously disappear as soon as he’s off the stage. 

Lexi takes this as her cue to stand, forcing Billy to lift her up to the microphone. 

“My daddy was the best! He’d play tea parties with me and we’d dress up as princess. I’m going to miss you so much daddy but I hope heaven is nice and they have lots of fun things for you to do. I love you.” Lola cries for her daughter, pride and hurt bursting through as she settles back down with her. 

“Callum, would you like to say anything?” The priest asks, a soft smile directed his way. 

Clearing his throat on the way there he looks out at the faces staring back at him. 

“Most of the people in this room hated Ben, couldn’t stand the mention of his name. Most of you wouldn’t even look his way when he walked past or if he tried to help you’d look at him in disgust. Why? Because he was a Mitchell?” Callum looks around the room pointedly, many people putting their heads down in shame at the truth of his words. 

“None of you saw Ben the way I saw him. How he liked jam on his toast, and only one sugar in his tea, or how he couldn’t fall asleep without touching me somehow. His favourite colour was red, and he loved to dance and sing. He was ticklish just below his side. He hated being woke up before twelve and he was so grouchy if you did. He wasn’t the easiest person to deal with yes, but he was my person. He was my problem. He was gentle, and kind and he loved me. God did he love me.” Callum feels the tears start, but he does nothing to stop them, instead allowing them to fall freely as he continues. 

“Nobody saw the soft side of him, how he’d pleat Lexis hair for school and ensure she had everything she needed, he’d give her bedtime stories and kiss her goodnight. He’d have to stand on his tiptoes just to give me a kiss, but he always kissed my forehead before going somewhere, or before we went to sleep. He’d tell me about his day at work and how much he’d missed me. I loved him so much and I’ll never get to tell him again, he’ll never know how much he was loved, and wanted and he didn’t need to fight for my love because he owned my whole heart.” Callum stops, the pain in his chest becoming unbearable and he steps down slowly, Lola encasing him in her arms. 

The rest of the ceremony passes in a blur to Callum, many prayers said, hymns sung and before long people are hugging him, shaking his hand and offering their condolences. Phil disappeared quickly, the excuse of needing to get the baby home slipping past his lips easily. Before long everyone’s retreated to the Vic for drinks and a small wake with only close family and friends attending. Callum sips his beer slowly, the cool liquid doing nothing to numb the pain he feels. Jay appears in front of him, waving a piece of paper and a small box at him. 

“Eh, Ben told me to give this to you if anything was to happen,” Jay murmurs, struggling to get the words out. 

Callum reaches up and gently takes it from him, turning the envelope slowly in his hands, his name written in Bens handwriting being revealed. He shakes the box, confusions making its way up his features when it makes no sound. 

“Thank you, I’ll erm, read it tonight I suppose,” he replies. 

Jay nods and gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

It’s past seven before Callum manages to trudge his way into bed, letter and box in hand. He’d said his goodbyes and promised he’d call round tomorrow to see Lexi and read her a story. He didn’t want to ever replace Ben, but she had begged him to continue their tradition of bedtime stories and he didn’t want to disappoint her. 

He settles down slowly, turning the letter over multiple times. His mind fighting his heart. He begins to wonder if he wants to know what was inside the letter, but he’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t. He rips the envelope open and begins to read. 

_ My baby Cal, _

_ If you’re reading this then the job went wrong. God it went really wrong. I know you told me not to get involved, that I would get myself hurt and I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you and that I’m putting you through all this pain. It was never my intention. I’d hoped writing this letter, I’d be able to bin it when I came home but if you’re reading it, I didn’t make it home did I?  _

_ There really isn’t enough words out there or paper to describe the way I feel about you Cal, how much life you’ve given me in the past few years I’ve known you. Meeting you was a blessing, falling in love with you? God that was perfect.  _

_ I never thought I’d love someone as hard and as fierce as I love you, I didn’t even think it was possible. All your little traits, how you can’t leave without a coffee, or how you’d wake up crazy early for one of your runs and try to drag me on them with you. How you hate the taste of marmalade and everything needs to be tidy.  _

_ I spent so much of my life feeling unworthy, like I didn’t deserve anyone’s love and then you came along and showed me the world. You look at me like I hung the moon and suddenly the world seemed like a better place. I fought so hard for my dads love babe, and now look, I’ve got myself killed. I’m so sorry baby, more sorrier than you’ll ever know.  _

_ The present is a late birthday, it’s not an engagement ring, more like a promise ring. I had a romantic evening prepared for us, we could watch the stars, go to one of those drive thru cinemas you keep banging on about and we’d promise each other the world. I hope you like it. I couldn’t love you more if I tried Callum Highway, you were the light at the end of a very dark tunnel, and I am so incredibly, deeply and beyond all hope in love with you. _

_ Forever yours _

_ Ben x _

Wiping at his eyes Callum eyes the box beside him, before opening it gently to reveal a plain silver band. He squints to see the writing which has been engraved on the underneath.  _ You are my soulmate. For eternity.  _ Taking the ring out of the box he slides it onto his finger, a perfect fit. He wonders how Ben knew his ring size, but the thought doesn’t last long as he holds his hand close to his chest, along with the letter. 

He doesn’t suppose the pain will ever go away, he’ll always hurt thinking of what could have been, but he’ll love Ben for all his life. An eternity, because his love for Ben will become a memory, and that memory will become a treasure. 


End file.
